THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN... BEFORE I WENT OUT IN THE REAL WORLD
1. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply saying "Why, thank
you" (though it helps if you say it with a
Southern accent).
2. Some people are working backstage, some are playing in the orchestra,
some are on stage singing, some are in the audience
as critics and some are here to applaud. Know
who and where you are.
3. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
4. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste.
5. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the waiters and doesn't
like dogs/cats.
6. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it
should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
7. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I
apologize" and "You are right."
8. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
9. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat
crow while it's still warm.
10. The only really good advice that I remember my mother ever gave me
was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
11. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her--believe them.
12. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself, 'Will this matter one
year from now? How about one month? One week? One
day?'
13. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
14. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
15. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a
bad or former relationship just might mean that the
other person was right about you.
16. Knowing how to listen to music is as great a talent as knowing how to
make it.
17. Work is good but it's not that important.
18. Never underestimate the kindness of your fellow man.
19. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you
are going to need them to empty your bedpan.