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Two Aerial antennas meet on a roof - fall in love
- get married The ceremony was noisy but the
Reception was Brilliant.
Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out
of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to
put on it."
"Doc, I can't stop singing the green
green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones
syndrome. " "Is it common? " "It's not unusual."
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing
only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I
can clearly see you're nuts."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then
checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have
to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "
"No, because he's really heavy"
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese.
And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be
one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my
older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-
Chu. But I think it's Colin.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a
lift?" I said "Sure, you look
great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'
Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the
other "Does this taste funny to you?"
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the
other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my
driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking
Fine. So that was nice."
A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my
arm in several places" The doctor said "well don't
go there any more"
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day but I couldn't find any.
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are too
high.'